DAVE: Harvey Specter, first off Happy New Year, what are your New Year's Resolutions for 2015?
HARVEY SPECTER: Do less phone interviews.
O-kay. Let's phrase it like this.... What's 2015 holding in store for you?
HS: Better. I prefer specifics. 3000 miles jogged, 1011 arguments, 84 dinners, 75 of which will be in Michelin starred restaurants, 24 haircuts, 14 new suits, 13 trips to Europe (including 2 to Paris), 3 new cars and 1 new apartment.
What about holidays on the beach?
HS: I'm sorry I don't recognise that word.
What do you do to relax then?
HS: I like to oscillate between bringing large, faceless corporations to their knees and pony-trekking. Occasionally I combine the two.
Now, you're one of the best lawyers in the business...
HS: I'm sorry?
You're one of the best lawyers in the business...
HS: No, sorry, you're breaking up...
You're the best lawyer in the business...
HS: Ah, that's better I can hear you now, go on...
What would you say to anyone looking to get into law?
HS: I'd say "Don't bother. I've got it covered."
(Writing it down) So, 'Prospective law students. Don't bother.' Got it. What about your top tip for successful hiring?
HS: Don't hire someone that's just like you. Hire someone that you can mould into being just like you. That way, everybody wins.
How important is the way you dress?
HS: It's everything. Most of the day's battles are won or lost before you've stepped out of your wardrobe. Smart people know not to argue with a spread collar and a Windsor knot.
Who's the most famous person in your phone?
HS: I can't tell you that. It'd make all the other famous people in there jealous.
OK. What's the secret to success?
HS: There's no secret. Working hard is only a secret to the lazy or incompetent.
You seem to have it all figured out.
HS: I make it look easy, but it's hard being me. Everyone else, when they're not sure what to do next, they just have to ask themselves "What would Harvey do?" But that just means that when I don't know what to do, there's really no place I can go for help. Fortunately that situation has never come up.
Is winning everything to you?
HS: It's not about winning. There's this misconception about me that I want to put to bed right now. It's not about winning. It's about winning big.
Good to clear that up. What's that noise Harvey?
It's the sound of some higher divinity telling you to wrap this up...
Really? Sounds like a coffee percolator...
They sound very similar...
Okay well thanks so much Harvey, really looking forward to seeing the new series of Suits. 10pm, Thursday 15 January, right?
My secretary will be in touch to invoice you...
(Phone goes dead)