Top 10 moments of Red Dwarf VII

Zombie love, Rimmer the Cougar and Pride and Prejudice - Rambo-style...

10. Tear ducts

Perhaps Listie was too successful in breaking Kryten's programming over the years, but one thing was for certain - the pointy-headed one wasn't too happy about the presence of Kochanski with all her 'in and out bits' distracting Lister from the affections of his mechanical buddy. The Fatal Attraction style antics of Kryten may have backfired a bit when they almost killed the gang in the ducts, but at least it proved he loves something other than Androids reruns.

9. Zombie love

For some of us, the thought of running into someone we once fancied and later finding their tongues down our throat is pretty much the stuff of dreams. Not when that 'tongue down the throat' bit is quite so literal as it was for poor Lister, thanks to the rather nasty and not at all reasonable Epideme virus. Note to Caroline Carmen - if you're leaving bits of jaw and tongue behind, you're probably kissing wrong.

8. The grassy knoll

Since that fateful day in 1963 when John F Kennedy was gunned down there have been more conspiracy theories than you could shake an illuminati stick at. None of them were right, though, as it turns out. Because they'd been tinkering with causality, the Red Dwarf lads had to make sure someone killed JFK to prevent nuclear disaster, and the only man they could find for the job was…well…JFK himself. Take that, YouTube whackos.

7. I'm lovin' Rimmers instead

Kryten knew it was important to get Listie over the absence of an Arnold in his life, so much that he subjected the poor fella, and the rest of the crew, to the Rimmer Experience. The universe's grimmest rollercoaster ride, there's nothing like a dose of the Rimmer puppet chorus to put you off Holograms for life, especially after you factor in his mistaken belief he was the brains of the operation all along.

6. Family affair

There's often been a temptation to think that Lister is a genetic cul-de-sac, but thanks to Ouroboros we now have definitive proof of the fact. Thanks to the joys of the Scouse accent he thought it meant 'our Rob or Ross' and was a naming suggestion, but in fact it meant that the human race could never die out and that he was his own father. If that sounds a bit Jerry Springer, don't forget he was found in a box under a pool table. Not exactly the Lion King, is it?

5. Give me a hand

They say good things come in small packages but that's not strictly speaking always the case. Look at Shaun Wright-Phillips, for example. That's also true of the pesky nanobots, who had been travelling around in Lister's clothes hamper (admittedly punishment enough) and tried to make amends for all their naughtiness by making him a new arm. They didn't stop there though, turning the poor fella into something that looked like an explosion at a bodybuilding tournament. They hadn't quite got Red Dwarf's dimensions right either…

4. Off with his head

Kryten might not be a Michelin-starred droid, but he's no slouch when it comes to whipping up a bit of grub, especially on a red-letter day. When he slaved away in the kitchen preparing lobsters only to be faced with Lister's balti-ruined palate and its demands for brown sauce he did what any self-respecting chef would. He exploded. And we’re not talking Gordon Ramsay style red-faced roaring, we mean literally head-bursting kind of explosion. You don't get that at the Fat Duck…

3. Rimmer the Cougar

We're all familiar with the Rocky-style training montage, but the last person we ever expected to be the subject of a zero to hero makeover was one Arnold Judas Rimmer. When he was faced with the task of taking on the mantle (alright, wig) of Ace he had to shape up. Possibly the finest moment in his gruelling regime saw him trying to be the cougar, but managing only to, er, see the gerbil.

2. Pride and Prejudice - Rambo-style

If there's one thing Jane Austen didn't take into account when penning her bonnet-heavy tale of posh people getting hitched, it was an annoyed mechanoid whose anniversary lobsters were being underappreciated. When Krytie invaded Pride and Prejudice land it was less Mr Darcy and more Mr Nasty, with a tank putting paid to the Bennett's sedate gazebo and pretty much ruining high tea for all involved.

1. Sweet dreams...

For all the years of back-biting, jibes and general snarking, we always suspected that deep down there was a love that dare not speak its name between Lister and Rimmer. When Listie started pining for the cowardly one, then, we weren't surprised. When he dreamed about a full on snog with lots of Tommy tongue, however, we were so appalled that only after several years of therapy have we been able to speak about it.

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