Not Going Out: the best one liners

When you've got gagsmiths like Lee Mack and Tim Vine trading funnies, one liners will never be in short supply. Here's our pick of Not Going Out's zinger crop.

of 10

Man of danger

Beneath Tim's tweedy exterior lurks the heart of a danger-taunting mega-ninja. Apparently. Daisy might not be the sharpest tool but her reply here was a nugget of purest comedy gold:

Tim: "I want to do something more exciting, more dangerous, something that makes you wonder whether you'll be alive at the end of the day. And then when you are you know you've stared at Death and laughed in his face."
Daisy: "And is accountancy not doing that for you?"
Goldenballs

Lee's as northern as a whippet on a picket line, and that means he avoids doctors like most of us avoid traffic warden conventions. When he had worries about his lower region he turned to Tim for comfort, naturally. Great bedside manner, this.

Tim: "It looks like Right Said Fred sharing one microphone."
Breaking Bad (outfit)

As mind-bending as the idea of Tim going out on the town is in itself, it was even more surprising when he came back in someone else's coat, especially one chock-full of Colombian marching powder. It didn't fit great either, as Lee pointed out:

Lee: "You look like two dwarves with one cinema ticket."
You can get special seed for that…

Lee was the perfect host to Lucy's dad when he came to stay, at least until he made him get up at early o'clock. His gag-reflex wasn't snoozing though, when papa Lucy reminded him about the saying involving early birds and worms:

Lee: "Yeah, always get out of bed early if you're going out with a bird with worms."
Quick off the mark

It's hard to see how Lee and Tim became friends, given that they're about as alike as Prince Charles and the cast of Geordie Shore. As buttoned-up Tim soon discovered, Lee's an impulsive sort, for one thing…

Tim: "Are you the kind of person who jumps the gun before properly weighing up all the opinions?"
Lee: "No."
Tim: "Hang on, it's multiple choice."
What about poor old Mr T?

The art of lying is about the only art Lee has any time for, unless arranging beer cans into pyramids counts. His attempt to explain to Tim the latest fib-based scheme he'd found himself embroiled in with Kate was hi-larious, mind, and that's the truth.

Lee: "Because she's been lying and if she changes the story now she'll lose face quicker than the A-Team in a maze."
Not exactly Mo Farah, to be fair

Lee's nothing if not encouraging when it comes to his pals trying to improve themselves, and he was all heart when it came to Lucy's attempts to train for a 10k fun run. He didn't try to undermine the level of the competition one little bit…

Lee: "I bet you'll see more Honey Monsters than Kenyans."
Comedy is child's play

Lee was suitably concerned for Lucy when it looked like she was going to marry a political refugee to keep him in the country. So much so, he expressed his concerns in the old fashioned way – rooting round her stuff.

Lucy: "Have you been snooping in my wardrobe?"
Lee: "I was looking for a lion and a witch."
Lucy: "I don't want to hear your crappy jokes, Lee, it's none of your business."
Lee: "Actually it's Narnia business."
You say potato, I say national obesity crisis…

Those Americans aren't like us Brits, with our black and white austerity and our rotten stumps for teeth. There's the old communication barrier too, which sometimes has brilliant upsides, like this exchange between Kate and soppy loverman Lee:

Kate: "When she's around can't just you pretend to be a little bit more romantic?"
Lee: "I can't just turn it on like a tap."
Kate: "Force it!"
Lee: "Alright, I can't just turn it on like a faucet."
Isle wager you won't find a better one-liner

Some gags are so perfectly crafted that you want to put them on a shelf next to some Fabergé eggs and get Melvyn Bragg to come round and coo at them. This exchange between Tim and Lee is just such a gag. We doff our caps, gentlemen:

Tim: "You know what they say. No man is an island."
Lee: "What about the Isle of Man?"