"On the Ferrari Enzo: Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... the Colin."
"On a car he didn't like very much: There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it. Including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean."
"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do? end quote start quote We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. I want to drive around in a Terminator, not the heroine in an EM Forster novel."
"Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, then editing it so it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face."
"It has the zip of a chairlift. The only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."
"Cool is just another way of saying 'not very popular'. The Guardian is cool. Desks made out of zinc are cool. Rolf Harris, on the other hand, is warm."
"On a family car: Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps."
"I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it's an animal's duty to be on my plate at suppertime."
"Sure, it's quiet for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved for a murderer."
"This is the most unreliable car ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at: Actually I've Got a Peugeot, BBC Top Gear, London…"
"There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on."