The (almost) complete Red Dwarf lexicon

The verb "to google" may now be in the OED, but have they added words from Red Dwarf yet? Have they heck. Never fear, we've gone and done their job for them with our essential guide to the show's finest made-up jargon.

Red Dwarf

Pleasure GELF

A genetically engineered entity which initially takes on the form of the most heartbreakingly desirable person you could ever dare to imagine. The only downside is that its true appearance is that of a massive green blob with a single eye grotesquely dangling from a stalk. In other words, it's a bit like every blind date you've ever been on.

Bazookoids

Heavy-duty mining tools which are definitely NOT guns despite looking like, sounding like, functioning as, and completely fulfilling the function of guns. The heat seeker function should be used sparingly due to immense and irritating likelihood of one's own heat being sought. In that eventuality, standard protocol is to run around screaming a lot.

Polymorph

Hideous, shape-changing mutant which subsists by feeding on people's negative emotions. The species has an alarming track record, including examples of posing as underpants, spreading libellous rumours re: people's mums and Alphabetti Spaghetti, and making Rimmer even more of an utter gimboid than he was before.

Felis sapiens

Humanoid cat species which evolved in the nether-decks of the mining ship Red Dwarf. Their society was founded on the misguided worship of a deity known as Cloister the Stupid (in reality, the onion-scented quasi-human David Lister). Having departed to explore the cosmos, their only known representative is the Cat, a creature distinguished only by his love of fish, clothes and his own "beautiful ass".

Psirens

Insect-like, genetically engineered abominations with an unfortunate tendency to suck brains out through straws. On the plus side, they pose as people you really, really fancy, which means victims do get to experience a fleeting moment of pleasure before being slurpily de-brained.

Stasis

A static singularity in space-time, impervious to temporal flow, and therefore capable of preserving lifeforms for pretty much ever. Stasis "leaks" can act as gateways to other points in space-time and, in light of the hugely complex theoretical physics involved, are best described as "magic doors" to non-scientists, thickos and the Cat.

Simulants

Bio-mechanical psychopaths acclaimed for their ability to expertly tear a human's head off and spit with insulting accuracy into the bloody stump of the neck. It says something about a life-form when their least bad member is the Inquisitor, who at least gives you the chance to justify yourself before deleting you from existence.

Esperanto

A language created from scratch by the (real-life) linguist LL Zamenhof – a man who clearly had far too much time on his hands. Esperanto is one of the official languages of the Space Corps and remains unfathomably complicated to Arnold J. Rimmer, whose attempts to learn the language brought him perilously close to committing some kind of spree killing.

Jozxyqk

The terrifying noise made when ones sexual organs become trapped in an object.

Silicon heaven

Where all the calculators go.

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